conviction vs. condemnation

i recently got back from a tour during which the creative arts team i'm a part of took a new production called "crowns" on the road for the first time. this concert has been in the works - sometimes on and off - for probably close to two years now, and although a little over a year ago we did a screening in our local area and made some adjustments based on audience and our own internal feedback, in general this production has been marked throughout its development by edits and tweaks and changes. much of which to its benefit. all of that to say: this concert, its message and the production and delivery of said message have undergone a good deal of scrutiny. our team consists of people from many different backgrounds and personality types, so things have gone through that filter on their way to the stage.

which at last brings me to the ponderance at hand. on our recent tour we performed four crowns concerts and, to the best of my knowledge, the general reactions were basically the same and fell into one of two camps. i'd sum them up as this: either encouraged or offended. now, it could be that there is a third group of people that haven't been vocal and are processing through the message, and i would applaud that. so far the demonstrative majority have fallen into these extremes:

type one: two examples that typified... a young family - a father with his daughter in his arms approaches me, eyes red, and says with a particular weight in his voice, " thank you so much for coming. we need this." his wife enters the room behind him and as he steps back she comes close to shake my hand. she's been crying and her voice is so filled with emotion as she tries to hold back tears that i begin to come undone in the brief moment we speak. "thank you so, so much..." and she can no longer contain her emotion, smiles, waves, and motions that she has to go as she turns to leave. second example... a married fireman and father working in a profession and station in which the pull to compromise one's beliefs can be very intense. he shakes my hand firmly and looks me in the eyes as he says, "this was so great - it's been so encouraging to me. it just fires me up even more to just keep pressing on..."

type two: a number of these people got up and walked out during the concerts. some of these people - through feedback that was received by the pastoral staff a the churches we were in - said that they were offended and felt that our message was condemning them. they said that they wanted more encouragement, to know that they were doing a good job already. an older family we spent some time talking with said that they were afraid people would receive the message that they weren't good enough. they wanted a better, happy ending to the "story."

so, maybe you're asking - what IS the message that the crowns concert is conveying? simply this: in every one of our lives, we all use our resources and make decisions on where and how we use those resources (and i should also say - what, in turn, we sacrifice) based on where our priorities are. at the end of the day, where our heart is and therefore what we worship... what we serve. in the concert, a few of these areas are symbolized by three crowns: a royal crown (symbolizing wealth, comfort, or material possessions), an olympic laurel-leaf crown (symbolizing fame, prominence, or the things in our lives that we gain our self-significance from), and a crown of thorns (symbolizing self-sacrifice... more about that in a minute).

each of these crowns in the concert has its own chapter devoted to it, and through songs and video elements that range from quotes and current statistics during the songs to man-on-the-street interviews and short self-contained video clips, each chapter walks through the current state of western society. during the third chapter (the crown of thorns), as a standard-bearer for self-sacrifice the persecuted church around the world becomes the focus. regardless of your own personal belief system, these christians' lives demand a sense of respect in that - in the truest sense of the word - by living out their beliefs they are ready to die for them... a very real possibility. (more christians have been and are killed and persecuted - really persecuted, not just, "someone made fun of me because i believe in Jesus" - in the last hundred years than in the previous 20 centuries COMBINED.) in light of what these believers are willing to go through as a cost of their faith, what if any effect should that have on the lives we lead as followers of Jesus with all of the resources and blessings we've been given? Christ Himself said, "you will be my witnesses..." - the original greek word for "witness" is the word from which we get the word "martyr." so the question is asked: is what you're living for worth dying for?

now, i'll be the first to admit this isn't the most happy-go-lucky message in the world. it was never meant to be. the scriptures record that - regardless of Jesus' completely deserved reputation as a model of love and acceptance, forgiveness and grace - several times when Jesus spoke of what our lives needed to be like, many people turned away and left. the message of the cross... an amazing message of the most divine reconciliation and grace... still carries with it as a first order of business the realization that there is sin, and that we are all completely infected by it and hopeless without outside assistance. i see that this post is getting insanely long and so i'll simply just reiterate that each member of our team comes from a different background, and equipped with those unique personalities and thresholds for being offended and put-off, we've put together (we believe with the Holy Spirit's help) a concert filled with as much grace and still is true to the weight that this message demands.

i'll get to the punchline: one of the pastors who was personally encouraged and charged up by the concert and message, and whose church received some negative feedback from congregants who were offended, said this, "if people want their ears tickled and a feel-good message and want to just be content with staying exactly where they're at, they can get it in most churches the other 51 sundays of the year... i think as a result people have lost the ability to tell the difference between when they're feeling condemned versus feeling convicted."

chew on that for a while... i know i, for one, often need to be shaken out of my apathy and sleep. real truth isn't usually painless, just as some of the most aggressive diseases need to be dealt with using some of the most aggressive forms of treatment. not pain-free, but good. how much truth do i miss because i'm ingesting it with so much sugar? how much do i conveniently ignore because it may impact my sedentary habits? open my ears... open my eyes, God...

part of a movement

it's late... or should i say - early... it's 12.22 a.m. and outside there's a good-sized thunderstorm moving through the area. suzie is away for the night, attending a women's retreat for the church we attend here. and, for some unknown reason, i'm thinking about being a member of a movement.

one of the things that struck me earlier this year while in south africa for operation mobilization's international leaders' meeting was the way om was referred to by several of the main leaders. they didn't refer to om as an organization, as i have a tendency to; they referred to it as a movement. so i'm thinking about, "why movement?" is there more to it than just choosing a different word in an effort to be hip or unique or clever? the more i think about it, the more i think, "yep, there's definitely more to it." and the more i think about it, the more i like it.

so, why movement? the first thing that sprung to my mind was that it was a holdover reference from the early days of om in the '60s... seems to me it was more popular to call things "movements" back then. but then, being the odd guy i am, i decided to check out the definitions of the word. there are two that stand out to me, and i'll add a third of my own.

the first one that applies is one of the two most obvious: "an organized effort to accomplish a purpose," or, "an organized effort by supporters of a common goal." sure, that fits, right? operation mobilization exists - when all is said and done - to know God and to make Him known. and it is an organization made up of people dedicated to that purpose.

another definition: a movement is, in music, "a self-contained division of a long work." yeah, i like this. this definition fits om as well. om is a self-contained division... of what?... of a long work. what's the work? well, look at one paragraph above. operation mobilization isn't alone in its purpose - there are many other people and organizations that are working toward the same goals. so, in that respect om is just one division of this long work. ah, but more than that, what is this long work?

now i'll mention my addition to the list: operation mobilization is a movement of God. this popped into my head pretty quickly, but i had to think about it for a minute. to say that a particular thing is a movement of God can sound quite a bit pompous, i think. but, there is no denying that this is the truth. God has used om, God still uses om. om is by no means perfect or comprised of perfect individuals... but - mystery of mysteries - He chooses to work through it... or maybe better said: He allows us to be a part of His work through it. and there it is: om is a section of God's long work.

now, maybe this all doesn't matter to you. thinking through this inspires me a bit, though. there's the acknowledgement that om is part of God's work - and that's a powerful thing. and yet at the same time, lest we feel like we can get big-headed about this, om is just a part. and it is a long work.

so... here's to more organized effort.

we all are slaves

whether we like it or not, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not (funny how real truth isn't impacted by our petty opinions), we all serve something. you do. i do. no matter our faith or lack of, no matter where that faith is placed, we all spend every moment of our lives serving something... or someone. now, to be sure, for some of us this is more apparent than others. certainly for the child sold into the sex trade in some not-so-far-off country, we say, "yes, that's slavery." even for the man or woman in the west who has a job and lives worse than paycheck to paycheck, barely scraping by, working for a ruthless employer in miserable conditions, we can maybe feel a pang of sorrow and say (though not so accurately), "that's almost slavery." but that's not what i'm talking about so much. we all are slaves beyond our physical circumstances. that is not to say that we can't be enslaved by our physical circumstances (just talk to any recovering addict). but now i'm getting ahead of myself.

i understand that many people have different beliefs even in the christian faith about the spiritual realm and so i want to speak as simply and generically as possible, but all the same please try to overlook what you may perceive as errant doctrinal matters for the sake of my overall point. i was in toronto, canada, for a few days recently as part of a conference of missions agencies. on the last evening of the conference, after the final meeting had ended, i and the rest of the team i was with came into an encounter with a non-christian woman who is demonized. for the next few hours, seven of us talked to, prayed for, and otherwise did what we could to free this woman from the evil spirit(s) that plague her (not that it would have been by our power, but rather by God's). in her moments of lucidity, we asked this woman time and time again whether she wanted the physical, mental, and spiritual torment being inflicted upon her by these demons to stop. each time, she refused to answer the question directly and a few times stated, "i feel like i should just go with it and let it run its course." as she left that place in the early hours of the morning still demonized, i was overcome with a great deal of sadness, thinking i was not able to understand why someone would - when given the choice - willingly choose to stay under such a yoke of slavery.

unfortunately, though, i think maybe i can understand - though i wish i couldn't. what about the young man who feels his race and culture have been so oppressed that bitterness takes root in such a way that the bitterness itself moves from being simply a driving force to become a part of that young man's identity? what about the addict (choose your poison - drugs, food, sex, etc.) who finally gives in to his craving to the same degree... that this addiction becomes a part of his identity?

or, how about we bring this maybe closer to home for most of the western culture - what about the man that lives out his days in the middle-to-upper middle class playing the subconscious game of keeping up with the joneses... or maybe instead simply chasing the life of comfortable living, with its nagging perpetual need to up the comfort level by obtaining and doing more and/or different things to a point where the level of comfort in this man's lifestyle becomes a part of his identity? oh, this one is tricky, because it so easily masks itself within community, because it so easily justifies itself under the guise of provision or creating the "best" life possible for one's family (see "our limited view" entry).

the similarity i see in all of these is that each one is a form of slavery. no one is free in this lifetime from making choices how we expend the resources we've been given - whether that be money, time, talent, etc. within each of those choices is a decision to sacrifice one thing for another. a sort of over-arching economy of life. whatever we sacrifice to... i suppose that is what we are serving, isn't it? when does serving become slavery? i'm thinking out loud here, but i think it has to do with identity. once we derive our identity from - whether consciously or simply by repeated demonstrated loyalty to - something, we are a slave to it. i think the identity part of the equation is important because our identity is so hard to break from. it means throwing away who we are, who we believe we are, what we can rely on in ourselves. our identity gives us a basis from which to make decisions - critical life-changing decisions all the way down to what-do-i-want-for-breakfast decisions. to be rid of that identity is painful... to be said in a more frightening manner, to be rid of that identity is unsure and uncomfortable. and comfort has tremendous power.

i don't know, but i wonder if the demonized woman would not "come out of agreement with" her tormentors because - despite the pain and confusion and fear they caused - it was yet a pain and confusion and fear she knew. that she was "comfortable" with (strictly speaking just as far as it was a known quantity for her). that she - for hopefully the short term - takes as part of her identity.

in the Bible, paul speaks about a slavery in a few different ways. i think it's interesting, though, that although paul describes christians as being free from a "yoke of slavery" - whether to sin or to religious laws, he also describes christians being slaves of Christ. we all are slaves.

so what is your identity? who or what are you enslaved by? it need not be a negative term - who or what do you want to be enslaved by?

and, speaking of slaves: www.freetheslaves.net

our limited view

what is our perception of "worthwhile"? what shapes our view of "success"? i heard from a man today that challenged me with a story relating to these questions.

he told of a missionary that spent the last forty years of his life trying to bring the good news of Christ to the country of albania. during his entire time working there, he saw only six albanians come to Christ - several of those were killed for their faith and the rest were run out of the country. this missionary then died. now if we stopped the story at this point, would we say his time spent serving in albania was worthwhile? was this missionary successful?

ah, but the story does not end there. a few short years after this missionary's death, albanians began to accept Christ. the number of albanian believers grew, and then numbered over 40,000 people. if you mention this missionary's name to a christian in albania, they will say that the church in albania was built on the shoulders of this same missionary who during his lifetime saw no tangible success for his efforts. this missionary's daughter - to this day - still serves in albania.

the man who told the story of this missionary then spoke of his own son and daughter-in-law that are working in world missions. they are currently attending language school for the next two years in order to learn the language of the country that they will be ministering to. this father has been asked of his son and daughter-in-law, "are they worth supporting?"

it's so easy to measure worth or success based on a standard of what the immediate, tangible return is. why is it that we do not give equal value to those things that are worth doing simply because they are worth doing... because they are the right things to do... because we are called to do them... because those things truly matter? how often do we invest our blood, sweat, tears, and finances in things because - regardless of outcome - they are worth doing? i think it's because we usually lack the eternal perspective... or maybe a divine perspective. the idea that God does not spend His people's lives carelessly, or has a plan that's... oh, just slightly beyond our perceptive powers... doesn't enter our minds often enough. or, if it does, it's merely a thought; never a convicting truth that causes us to act beyond our comfort.

the last story this man told: he himself for decades tried with others to bring the gospel to albania. he and his co-workers were unable to enter the country, so they used various (in his words) "stupid" methods to desperately get the message of Christ into the country. one method they used was to wrap literature in hundreds of plastic bags and send it down rivers that flowed into albania. another method they used was to (no joke!) put gospel tracts into glass bottles and send them into the ocean on a neighboring coastline, with the full knowledge that these bottles would be smashed to bits by the tide sending these bottles into the rocky albanian shoreline. yes, but years later this man had the opportunity to personally meet several albanian believers whose first encounter with the gospel of Christ was through a plastic-wrapped tract floating down the river or a tract in a bottle washed ashore completely intact.

it's written,
I'll turn conventional wisdom on its head,
I'll expose so-called experts as crackpots

so where can you find someone truly wise, truly educated, truly intelligent in this day and age? hasn't God exposed it all as pretentious nonsense? since the world in all its fancy wisdom never had a clue when it came to knowing God, God in His wisdom took delight in using what the world considered dumb-preaching, of all things!-to bring those who trust Him into the way of salvation.

1 corinthians 1:19-21
the message

faith of our fathers

working with a missions organization, i often have the unique opportunity to meet and/or hear from people from various parts of the world and find out about their life experiences related to their faith. i had one such opportunity to hear from one of them today - a middle-aged man (let's say his name is ivan) from russia. ivan (via a translator) told of his experiences growing up in the rare evangelical christian household in russia. as a youth, his one desire was to get a typewriter so that he would be able to write and distribute christian literature that was so lacking in russia. he related the story of how he was so passionate to continue his writing that on a sunday, he explained to his father that he would continue writing instead of going to church to worship. ivan's father countered with the statement that the most important thing in our lives is our worship of God... above anything else we could do.

ivan then told of his grandfather and great-grandfather. during the communist years in russia, gatherings of any type consisting of more than five people were illegal. ivan's grandfather (a passionate follower of Christ himself) would stage "birthday parties" on a regular basis, inviting twenty or so christians to sit around his table, each with bits of cake in front of them, in order to fellowship with other believers. one evening the kgb blocked the doors and invaded ivan's grandfather's home, arresting ivan's grandfather and sending him to prison. prisoners of this type were usually imprisoned for ten years and then released, but in ten years' time when ivan's grandmother went to the authorities to ask where her husband was, she was told, "he's fine - never come back here again." being afraid, she never investigated further and never saw ivan's grandfather again. they later found out that ivan's grandfather was executed two weeks after being first arrested. years later, after the fall of the iron curtain, one of the large old prisons was opened to the public as a museum, and the prison records were opened as well. ivan found out that his great-grandfather had suffered the very same fate as his grandfather had. but it was because of the commitment of ivan's forefathers that ivan has had the courage to respond to God's direction in his own life.

God has since called ivan to start a church in the area where he lives (a community of approximately 200,000 people with no church in the community). the church has been around for nine years now, and has a congregation of about 100. it's still a challenge to find a regular meeting place, as although there is technically religious freedom, the russian orthodox church is the only officially sanctioned church/religion and every other (including - as in this case - evangelical christianity) is viewed as a cult and as such they are frequently kicked out of the places they meet once people find out they are a church. ivan says that if you ask the majority of people on the street, they will readily classify themselves as russian orthodox. if you ask them if they believe in God or the Bible, though, those same people will deny both and call themselves atheist. in the russian peoples' minds, these two items can coexist without problem. such is the difference between dead religion and a relationship with God.

amidst all of this, russia consistently ranks number one in world for the annual amount of suicides. more people kill themselves every year in russia than die in car accidents by a 20% margin. ivan says, "the problem is not food. we have food. the problem is a people without hope in Christ." ivan has just completed a visit to the united states to learn from american churches ways to minister to and draw people to his church.

who am i?

a bit about me... husband, father, musician, missionary... what? yes, missionary. but more about that in a minute.

i grew up on the coast of northern california and lived there until the summer of last year. growing up i don't think i was ever really one of those people that knew exactly what they want to do for a living (i wonder how many people that is anyway). instead, my life aspirations were basically a set of general goals appropriated from my father: have the family, the house, and the good secure job with benefits, then retire as early as possible and spend the rest of my days doing what i wanted. and you know what? i got the family, i got the house, and i got the secure job with benefits - doing something that i wasn't at all passionate about, as good as it was (decent pay, good benefits, a job that i could leave at the office when i left for the day). it was exactly what i wanted, especially for someone of my personality type that needed security and stability... i tell people that i was the type of person that, when i came home, i needed to be able to depend on the chair in the living room being in the same place as i left it in the morning.

then something happened. actually, it was a lot of somethings, but i'll save you the even-more-long-and-drawn-out version. in the midst of my comfortable, basically unchanging life, God was allowing a series of events to take place to draw me out of my static life. the event that stands out in my mind as the point at which things really came to a head was a fantastic job performance review. in an instant, i felt like i had peaked in my job... and simultaneously with the excitement that came with the good review was a sense of dread. "alright... now what? 30 more years of the same thing?" what followed was an intense period of soul-searching and praying... and depression and confusion. it was during this time that, in the midst of my calling out to God for direction, i remember saying, "okay... You made me, so You know me better than i know myself... You know what will satisfy me... so either confirm that i'm supposed to be where i am now or show which way to step and i'll do it."

so... through another series of what my wife and i now call "God events," i started a new season in life that involved me leaving my secure job, my home, my friends, and so much more in california, and moving my family to georgia to join a missions organization called operation mobilization as a missionary working with the creative arts and specifically music. so to bottom-line it all: i now live in a place thousands of miles away from my extended family and friends working in a job that requires that i generate 100% of my income from independent donations. and on the other side of the coin, i'm in an occupation that marries my passion for music, art, and creativity with my passion for God. and i've never felt such freedom, purpose, and confidence in that i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that - at this very moment - this is what i'm supposed to be doing...

title of blog

so for my first post, how about a little explanation of the title, eh? could it be related to being a displaced californian living in georgia? maybe, but for me it's much bigger... as we exist in the now, are we not aware that there is more to this life than what we typically experience? as we look into the rest of eternity, is there not a part of us that knows something greater exists on the other side of this mortal existence? and for me personally, in the awareness that once this body has breathed its last i will in an instant and forever be with the Lover of my soul, my Creator, my Savior, the Uncaused Cause... is it unreasonable that the effects of that knowledge would create a view of the present tinted with a longing for things to come?